Monday, March 23, 2009

Warming up. Come on, I have to warm up, don't I?

Dear Lisa,

I know you are having a hard time with these revisions. I know this is the hardest book you've ever written and you're trying to make it a gripping, page-turning, spine-tingling read. It's making you moan and whine and snap at your family. I get it. It's bad how hard this book is to write. But you have to stop messing around. Like yesterday. Remember yesterday? You spent two hours making video after video because they were super fuzzy and it bugged you. Well guess what? Fuzzy or not fuzzy, no one wants to see your angst-filled face talking about how hard these revisions are. So stop it. Yes, I know you were trying to say something inspirational, but now is *not* the time to inspire others. Now is the time to inspire yourself so you GET THIS BOOK FINISHED. Do you hear me?

You have three more days off from work. That is precious time. Do not waste it. Take your kids to lunch, play laser tag with them, whatever, time with your kids is not wasting time. But anything else, it IS wasting time.

You can do this. Just think how good you'll feel when it's done. Do you need a bribe? Okay, here you go. Finish this book and I'll treat you to a pedicure. What? That's not good enough? Okay, I'll treat you to a pedicure AND a trip to Powells where you can buy a book. What? Two books? Okay fine. A pedicure and two books.

Hurry. Go. Now.

Your friend always,


Dear Stephenie Meyer,

My husband watched the movie TWILIGHT with me. He liked it. I think he's sort-of wondering why I don't write books like that. Well, right about now, me and him both.


1 comment:

  1. Sigh... to be a master of my time. If you learn the secret let me know.