"For most people, creativity is a serious business. They forget the telling phrase 'the play of ideas' and think they need to knuckle down and work more. Often, the reverse is true. They need to play."
"If there's any message to my work, it is ultimately that it's OK to be different, that it's good to be different, that we should question ourselves before we pass judgment on someone who looks different, behaves different, talks different, is a different color." ~Johnny Depp
Last week, an editor asked twitter about verse novels. "Do you feel there's a love-em-or-hate-em attitude about verse novels? Do you love 'em? Hate 'em? Why?"
I sat back and watched the responses, searching on the editor's name to see what people said. I'm going to leave the names off, but I'll identify the profession of the person.
"I've never met one I liked. They're hard to get into." ~Author
"It only works if it's brilliant, like Virginia Euwer Wolf, Sharon Creech, etc." ~Agent
"I am not a fan of verse novels. It feels more gimmick than substance, though I know there are exceptions out there." ~Agent
"Neither love nor hate. More 'don't get it.'" ~Agent
"I usually stop within a few pages. I'm sure there are good ones out there, but I don't have patience to get into them." ~Freelance writer and editor
"Most of the time they're filled with poor 'verse' and there's no reason for the form." ~Writer and educator
I suppose I am a glutton for punishment. What did I expect? I go through this with every book - I am reminded how hard it is to do something different. To put yourself out there with a book that isn't something the majority of the people can get into.
I wish someone had said SOMETHING completely positive. "They're great for reluctant readers." Or "obviously Ellen Hopkins has shown us that many teens love them." Or even, "I don't like them, but I think it's great to have various choices on the shelves for different kinds of readers."
When I talk to middle schoolers and high schoolers, I tell them, I write books that are different. I say, what I want you to know is that it's okay to be different. It's not always easy. But it's definitely okay.
Still, it's times like this that I'm reminded how hard it really can be, to stick your neck out there and do something that isn't universally accepted. So to those of you who, like me, often feel like the odd one out, I just want you to know, I admire you. I know there are days it's really hard to hear the criticism. To wonder if what you're doing is different like The Beatles were different or different like Charlie Sheen is different.
Friday night, Casey at The Bookish Type blog sent me an e-mail, letting me know she read THE DAY BEFORE and loved it and wondered if I'd be up for an interview. I try not to read a lot of reviews, but she said, "Here's my 5 star review" and provided the link, so I clicked over. It's such a thoughtful and articulate review, I want to share it here. The line I especially love? "I honestly didn't think I could read an entire novel written in verse, but by the second or third page, I'd completely forgotten about the style and was engrossed in Lisa Schroeder's tale."
"By your third draft, the main plotline and subplots ought to be clear. If your novel at that point is still muddy and changing enormously from draft to draft, then it's time to stop exploring the story and start looking into yourself. What matters? Who counts the most? What in the story frightens you into avoidance? What is the most essential thing your readers most need to see and understand?" ~ Donald Maass, THE BREAKOUT NOVELIST
I have a big revision ahead of me. I've been turning plot lines and character traits over and over in my head for a month.
It's time to sit down, tear it apart, and then put it back together again. I have a love/hate relationship with revision. I love it because it challenges me. I hate it because it challenges me.
I have a talk I've given to writers at conferences on revision. In it I say, the real writing happens in the rewriting. And it's true. So why are we so scared sometimes to get started?
For me, when I'm deleting old scenes and writing new ones, I'm often scared I'm making the book worse instead of better. And it's so messy - all that deleting and moving things around. When I'm drafting a book, it's not hard to get up and walk away. But when I'm revising? I *hate* getting up and walking away. I feel like I'm leaving behind this huge mess, which I am in a way, and I can't stand messes.
It's painful. It's hard. It's messy. But it's necessary.
Today, I begin. The only way out is through! In the coming weeks, my plan is simple:
Keep up my exercise
Set a time to be done every day, before dinner, and stick to it.
Eat well
Take a short break every hour - get up and walk around outside
Free write in another document if necessary and don't feel bad about it
Remember I've done this before and every time, the book has become so much better
"When I have a terrible need of - shall I say the word - religion. Then I go out and paint the stars." ~Vincent Van Gogh
On a message board over the weekend, someone posted about how worrying about reviews and what people think paralyzes her to the point that she finds it hard to write.
I get that it's hard to have people judging your art. It is really, really hard. But each of us has to figure out a way to continue to create once our work is out there. Yes, there may be times, before a book's release or immediately after, that we simply can't. I get that. The "noise," either in our head or around the internet, can be very distracting at times.
I think it comes back to the discussion I had about success recently though. We need to learn to find success IN the creating. I gave this analogy on the message board, and I thought I'd share it here.
If I made jewelry, I might make a bracelet, sell it, then someone would buy it and wear it. Maybe no one ever comments on that bracelet. When she wears another one, tons of people comment on it. But I'm back in my house, making more jewelry, because I don't follow my jewelry around to see how well received it is, so I never know if anyone comments or not. And I don't know that people like the other bracelet she wears a lot more than the one I made. If you asked me if I'm happy about the bracelet, I'd probably say, of course, because it found a wonderful home and I got paid for doing what I love.
I love Vincent Van Gogh's quote because what it says to me is that creating art for him was a deeply spiritual thing. It brought him closer to God. Without getting too "religious" on you, I feel the same way. I wrote two books last year that literally felt like a gift from God as I wrote. I look back at the writing of those books with such joy and fond memories. Now, not every book is like that. I don't know why. But when it is, I take the gift and am thankful for it. And maybe the books that are harder to write are meant to teach me things. In any event, our job is to write the best book we can. And then to revise that book as best we can, again and again and again, as many times as we need to, with or without an editorial letter.
After that, our job is done. It's time to look for a new story to create. As Sara Zarr said so well HERE, we have to learn to separate our identity as a writer from our popularity as a writer, because they are NOT the same thing.
It's not easy, I know. We want people to love our work. But in order to keep working, to keep painting more stars or designing more bracelets or writing more stories, we have to wish it well out in the world and let it go. And go back to our calling - the art of creating a story where none existed before. Which never ceases to amaze me that we DO that!
Be amazed. Be excited about what you do! Because isn't it just SO amazing and exciting? I think it is!
"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." ~Carl Sagan
HERE, you'll see that literary agent Jenn Laughran explains why it's really not a good idea to publicly talk about what's out on submission. So, I will refrain on talking about that as far as my work goes.
But I heard something the other day that I wanted to pass on. Because I know the waiting can be hard at times. It doesn't bother me nearly as much now as it used to. It's simply a part of the publishing business, and I decided a while ago that if I'm going to be in this business, I basically have to accept that fact, even if I don't like it much.
Joyce Meyer says that when we get frustrated that something hasn't happened that we've been waiting for, we should stop and send up a prayer of thanks. Because in that moment, God is working on our behalf, even if we can't see the results of that work yet. So we can say, "Thank you for working on my behalf," and be comforted by the fact that things are happening, even if we can't really see those things.
We aren't a very patient society. Especially today, when you can see the news the minute it happens by logging into twitter or facebook. But when it comes to the publishing business, we really have to learn how to be patient. There is no other way. The waiting will drive you crazy if you let it. So don't let it. Keep busy. Keep working. Tell yourself when the time is right, it will happen. And in the meantime, be grateful for the unseen work being done on your behalf.
Do you have any tips you can share about how you deal with the waiting?
***
In other news - I want to make sure you know about two events coming up this month. First, this Friday, Feb. 12th at 4:30, I'll be doing a Young Writer's Workshop at Powell's Bookstore on Cedar Hills Blvd. in Beaverton. This workshop is mostly for kids ages 10-18, but I sat in on the last one and they didn't kick me out. So, come if you'd like! And then, on Saturday, Feb. 26th, I'm doing a YA panel with four other YA authors at the Sumner Pierce County Library in Sumner, WA, starting at 2:00. We'll be speaking, answering questions, and selling and signing books. So come if you're in the area! Remember, you can always check my "events" page on my website, to see what's coming up and where I'll be.
"Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky." ~ Rabindranath Tagore
What is it about sunsets? We never grow tired of them. The beauty, the uniqueness, and the wonder of it all as we contemplate our very small selves on a very big planet in a very, very big universe.
I've been thinking that maybe we need to think about our work the way we think about sunsets. Each project different from the last, and each one delighting us in new and different ways. As we sit down to work each day, instead of grumbling, as we sometimes do, about all of the things that are wrong and all of the work we need to do, we should rejoice in our work. We can be awestruck about our ability to create a story from nothing. NOTHING! Isn't that amazing, when you sit back and think of it that way? Where no story existed before, because of you, one exists now. Wow!
The more we write, the more we can lose that sense of wonder. I don't want to lose that sense of wonder. I don't want to write without an excitement about what I'm doing - about what I'm bringing to the world. Yes, some stories are more work. Some stories are harder than others, and in that difficulty, we do struggle sometimes. That's how it goes. It's not always easy. But even as we struggle, I think we can take a moment now and then to stand back and admire what we are creating. Some days, it will be hard to see the beauty in what we are doing. That's when it's the most difficult, isn't it? So... stand back and find the beauty. Remind yourself what it is you love about the project you're working on.
This week, as you write, think of your work as a sunset. Find the beauty in it. Be in AWE of it. If you're having trouble, read this post by Stephanie Perkins about making love lists.
Love your work. Be blown away by it! Because it is amazing... isn't it?
"I pick the prettiest part of the sky and I melt into the wing and then into the air, till I'm just soul on a sunbeam." ~Richard Bach
I write best when I'm not worrying about my career, or comparing myself to others, or wondering if the story I'm telling is as good as the ones that have come before it, or a hundred other things.
For me, the hardest part of writing isn't the writing itself. It's shutting out the noise and finding my way into a story and getting to the place of blissful writing. Where I can fly free. Free of all things but words and story.
Some days, there is more to think about, more to worry about, more to wonder about, than others.
This week, I wish us all a lot of flying. Of finding that sweet spot where everything else melts away. A soul on a sunbeam indeed.
How does it start? By opening the document and diving in. It all starts there.
"Music is what feelings sound like." ~ Author unknown
Authors are often asked where we get our ideas and inspiration. I've read many interviews where authors respond to this question with similar answers - from movies, books and music. I think sometimes people who aren't writers don't fully understand what we mean when we reply this way.
For me, it's not just the idea that I'm looking for, although it's that too. For example, what is a small element in one book may cause me to go - hey I could do a book about THAT, and take the topic to a whole new level. But more than that, I look for replicating the emotions a piece of music or a book or film might evoke in me.
Because the best stories make us feel something, and especially in my verse novels, I'm all about bringing emotions out of the reader.
With every book I write, it's about finding something that speaks to my heart in such a way that I want to speak to others' hearts in a similar way. This song --- or this book or movie -- made me feel a certain way, so now let me see if I can write a book that makes *you* feel that same way.
When I wrote THE DAY BEFORE, I wanted to write a book that captured the same feelings I had after I listened to Pink's song Glitter in the Air. Pink sings, "Have you ever wished for an endless night? Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight?" The way she sings it, you can feel the longing there, and that is what I wanted to bring to the page for my characters. For them to long for the day/night to never end, and for the reader to long for it as well.
This week, think about your favorite books. They made you feel *something*. What did they make you feel? And how can you make others feel *that* in your own writing? Even if you can't listen to music while you write, try listening to a song that brings out your emotions before you write, and then try to carry those emotions with you to the page.
For each of my YA novels, there is a song I listened to over and over again that helped me write. Is there a particular song that inspired any of your stories? I'm fascinated by how music, especially, plays a part in the author's writing process.
"The characters in your story will not engross readers unless they are out of the ordinary. How can it be otherwise? In life, ordinary folk do ordinary things every day. How much of that do we remember? Precious little. In life and in fiction, when people act in ways that are unusual, unexpected, dramatic, decisive, full of consequences, and are irreversible, we remember them and we talk about them for years." ~ Donald Maass, from his awesome book Writing the Breakout Novel
Why do we love Charlotte so much? Because she's extraordinary. In her special, quiet ways, Charlotte does extraordinary things to help her friend Wilbur. And Wilbur, like us, is changed as a result of watching the kind and selfless actions of his friend. Extraordinary people (or spiders as the case may be) do that to a person, don't they? They make us want to be better humans (or pigs as the case may be).
These characters are why Charlotte's Web has been and continues to be one of the greatest children's books of all time.
This week, as I write, I'll ask myself, how can I make my main character more like Charlotte? Not literally, of course. After all, there can only be one Charlotte.
Extraordinary.
Memorable.
That's what I want my main character to be.
Do you have a certain character you think of sometimes, that makes you want to dig deep and write an extraordinary character?
"Have zero expectations. Don't dream about winning a Pulitzer, making a hundred thou on your first (or thirty-first) book. Don't write any acceptance speeches for the three N's: Nebula, Newbery, and National Book Award. Don't plan your outfit for the Oprah show or practice crossing your legs while talking to Katie Couric. Don't expect to find your books piled high at Borders or in the window at Barnes and Noble. Don't search Amazon.com for your numbers. Write the damn story. Nothing else matters." ~ Jane Yolen from TAKE JOY
Whenever we go to Disney, I always hope an opportunity will present itself where I can get a picture with a character without standing in line for an hour and a half. I LOVE the characters. But there is enough standing in line at Disney. So each day when we go, I don't think about characters or worry about them or expect to see them. I put it all in the back of my mind. So when I do find one without much of a line, or simply walking along so I can ask nicely, "Can I get a quick picture?" (as was the case above) it's always happy-making. It isn't my goal - it just happens as a result of being in the right place, at the right time.
With our writing too, as Jane says, we must not have high expectations. We must put everything in the back of our minds that might get in the way of the actual writing. If wonderful things happen, it will be because your story was in the right place at the right time. And it's certainly nothing to worry about or even think about NOW.
"Write the damn story. Nothing else matters."
I'm pretty sure truer words have never been spoken.
"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return." ~ Mary Jean Iron
A 45-year-old mother of four has been on my mind lately. She's a good friend of my hair stylist. A talented artist. A strong, fit, healthy person. A very kind person - the kind who is always doing something for other people.
A couple of weeks ago, a friend found her on the floor of her kitchen. She was slumped over and couldn't move. She had suffered a stroke. She's still in the hospital, her entire right side paralyzed and she can't speak. Because she is strong and fit, her physical therapy will be aggressive. Sometimes abilities come back after a stroke. I very much hope this is the case with her.
A week or so after being in the hospital, she asked her family to bring her some art supplies. She is right-handed, and yet, that didn't stop her. It's what she missed. What she longed to do with the days stretching out before her with nothing to do but think and worry.
She didn't ask for a computer with an internet connection.
She didn't ask for DVDs to watch.
She didn't even ask for books to read.
She wanted to draw, to paint, to create.
Today is a blank canvas. I wonder, what will I create? And you?
"I believe one thing holds it all together. Everything I've ever done was with excitement, because I wanted to do it, because I loved doing it." ~ Ray Bradbury "How to Keep and Feed a Muse"
Busy week ahead! I'm excited about my WIP and have a big word count goal this week.
I also want to soak up some of this beautiful fall weather we're having.
Plus, my husband's birthday is tomorrow, and I have two Skype visits later in the week.
So as I get to work and say good-bye for now, I leave you with one more Ray Bradbury quote (these quotes are from his book ZEN IN THE ART OF WRITING, filled with his essays on writing).
"So again the three signs. Put them together any way you wish. WORK RELAXATION DON'T THINK Once separated out. Now, all three together in a process. For if one works, one finally relaxes and stops thinking. True creation occurs then and only then...At last the surge, the agreeable blending of work, not thinking, and relaxing will be like the blood in one's body, flowing because it has to flow, moving because it must move, from the heart."
"...gut-level reactions--following the story where the story wants to go instead of where you intellectually think it ought to go in order to get where you think you need to be--that's where the cool stuff is! If you shut that out, you can miss great opportunities in your story." - Melissa Wyatt, author of FUNNY HOW THINGS CHANGE
I really loved Melissa's post yesterday where she talked about going with your gut when you're writing. She talked about writing one scene where she didn't allow herself to do that, and the writing felt like she was simply "moving dolls around in a doll house." Isn't that *exactly* what it's like when we're struggling to make things happen? Sometimes, we have to do it and come back later and fix it, because there's no other solution. But it's SO much better if we can let ourselves move into that space where we are more inside the story than outside of it - living inside the doll house with the dolls, instead of trying to control them from the outside.
When I was writing my upcoming YA novel, THE DAY BEFORE, there was this huge moment that happened toward the end that I hadn't seen coming. It had been a long writing day. A GOOD writing day. One of those glorious, words-are-flowing and things-are-happening kinds of days that you never want to end. And then, from literally out of nowhere, comes one of those magical moments that we live and write for.
I'm typing along and lo-and-behold, this "thing" that up 'til now had just been a fun little thing between the characters became this BIG thing. My main character had this ah-ha moment and it was so real and honest because it was an ah-ha moment for me too!! I couldn't have planned it better if I'd tried. It was a shiver-invoking moment, and one where I literally stopped and whispered, "thank you."
When my editor sent me the marked-up manuscript, at that special spot, she wrote, "Yes! YES! Love how you take us through all this to get to this point. Yes!"
I almost felt like a fraud. Um, wait, I didn't do it! Did I?
Last Friday, Cheryl Renee Herbsman wrote a post in which she shared five reasons why she writes. Number 5 is my favorite. She wrote, "Because the little magical connections that happen all on their own remind me that I am not alone."
So true.
It is hard to not think too hard as we write. To not worry about where we're going, how we're going to get there, if the path we're taking is the right one or not. With every book, every single book, I have these worries. I start out with a general sense of where I'm going, but most of it, I'm on a journey of exploration. And at first I fight it! Everything inside of me says, this is wrong, you don't know what you're doing, this isn't going to be any good, you need to spend more time thinking about this book, blah blah blah.
AND, with each book, there comes a a day, a time, a moment where I get really tired of the doubt and uncertainty and my constant questioning of everything, and I basically say - "Okay. I'm surrendering now. I'm ready to give up trying to know and understand it all right now, and just let it happen."
That's when I set the doll down, look around, and step INSIDE the doll house. OMG, it's so much more FUN in there, you guys!!
Last week, I struggled along on my WIP, trying to move the dolls around. This week, I think I'm ready to set them down and see what happens. What about you? Want to join me!?
"E.L. Doctorow said once said that 'Writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.' You don't have to see where you're going, you don't have to see your destination or everything you will pass along the way. You just have to see two or three feet ahead of you. This is right up there with the best advice on writing, or life, I have ever heard." — Anne Lamott (Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life)
When I began writing novels years ago, it was daunting. Every page felt so big and with every one I wondered, how can I possibly fill up 200+ of them and string along a story that makes sense? I was constantly thinking and WORRYING about the WHOLE BOOK.
Somehow, I managed to finish that novel. But that was really just me seeing a story through beginning to end. It wasn't a particularly interesting story, and if you asked me what the plot was, I'm sure I couldn't tell you.
Now, I understand the importance of plot. Weaving plots and subplots together is important, and takes time figuring out how to do it well. I still feel like I have a lot to learn with this.
But how I write a novel is different now. I take it scene by scene. With each scene, I ask, what do I want to accomplish in this scene - character development, plot development, or a little of both? I don't think about the rest of the book, I just try and write that scene to the best of my ability. I go along, scene by scene, until pretty soon, there is a part of a book there. And eventually, a whole book.
Isn't it true that usually when we remember a book we loved or a movie, there is a certain scene or two that sticks out in our head? We don't recall chapters or pages or how far into the movie we were. We say - I loved that scene...
Last week, I wrote a bunch of words trying to find my way into a story. Finally, Friday, I found it. Since then, I've written three scenes. I'm excited about writing more this week, each time, just focusing on the scene in front of me.
I'm curious - does E.L. Doctorow's quote resonate with you and your writing like it does with mine?
"Failure is success if we learn from it." ~ Malcolm S. Forbes
I did a Skype visit with some teen writers yesterday at Boise Public Library. One of the things I told them is that the first draft should be your playground. Writing a book is hard work. You have to figure out what will make you go back to the story again and again, and for me, it's thinking of that first draft as a place to play and have fun. Hard work can be fun? With the right attitude and with the RIGHT STORY, yes, I think it can be.
Did you catch that? It's not just about the right attitude. It's also about the right story.
Last week I started a new book. This weekend, I spent hours reading books for research, because I had to set the story in a different place and a very different time period. The more I read and the more I thought about this story, the less excited I became. Not a good sign. But more than that, I thought - do I *care* about this story? Do I want to spend hours and weeks and months telling THIS story?
And when the answer was no, I knew I needed to go back to my idea journal and find something else to write about.
I woke up in the middle of the night last night, and my mind instantly went there. My heart sunk as I thought about it. Because the truth is, I felt a bit like a failure. I started something and didn't see it through. Isn't that failing?
So mostly I'm writing this to tell myself - no, it's not. False starts happen all the time with writers, don't they? (Please tell me they happen to you!) It doesn't mean I failed. It means I learned that this particular story wasn't THE ONE for me. Fortunately, I figured it out fairly early.
I don't know what the next story will be. I probably won't talk about it when I figure it out. Sometimes I think the more I say about it, the more difficult it is to write it, for some weird reason. Keeping it close is often what's best for me. I hope I figure out what it is soon, though. Because I love the playground!!
“There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.” ~ Author unknown
I've been thinking about how we start a book and often, it seems so daunting, thinking about how we'll ever get to the end. And sometimes, for newer authors, they ask, how do you do it? How do you keep going when your head is so full of doubt and there are spots where it's really hard?
Well, that's when the commitment comes in. Are you committed to finishing it? Then finish it. No matter what - sit down, write, and get the thing done.
I write because I love it. Because I love seeing things play out on the page and having the magical moments appear - things that make me go - oooh, where did that come from? But I also write because I am now committed to my career as an author. And sometimes, there are moments that aren't fun, times when I don't want to write, but I have to. That is commitment. Doing it when I want to, and also doing it when I don't.
I think commitment is one of the most important things to have as an author. What do you think? Agree or disagree?
"You do what's in your gut - if you've been doing it long enough, what's in your gut will be appropriate." ~ Anderson Cooper
photo courtesy of morguefile.com
I've been doing this writing thing for awhile now. With each book I write, I think, wow, I've learned so much, come so far, and yet, I still have SO much more to learn too!
Last night, after a long writing session where I hammered out 4,000 words over the course of 4-5 hours, and ultimately finished the lean first draft on my latest WIP (yay!), I realized one thing that I think is important.
I've learned to trust my gut. If I'm excited about a story and I feel good about it, it MEANS something. It means I'll be able to finish it. It means that most likely, other people will like it as well. If I don't feel good about a story, if I dread sitting down to write, that's not a good sign. That's not to say that there aren't times writing is difficult. There are MANY times writing is difficult. But when you are excited by the whole, it makes you want to dig in and do the work necessary to get to the end.
I don't paint, although I wish I had that kind of artistic ability, but I wonder if as an artist puts the brush to the canvas, if he isn't going a lot of times by instinct. Yes, it's about skill and what the artist has learned over the years, but I'm guessing, in the end, a lot of it comes down to gut instinct. To do what FEELS right.
I think it's the same with writing. We take what we've learned, what we know, and apply that, but the best books are the ones where we turn inside and listen there too.
We use instincts throughout the creation of a book in a number of ways. When we get feedback from other writers, for example, we usually will take the comments that feel right and we leave the rest. Again, it's listening and trusting ourselves to know the story we want to write and trusting ourselves to know what's best for it.
I think when we're new writers, this is hard. We don't know what to trust and what not to trust. We want to finish a book - that's the main goal. And along the way, it's all clunky and scary and we sort of ignore any feelings we have about it because, well, what do we know, we've never done this before, or only done it a couple of times, or whatever.
So last night, it sort of felt like this monumental thing because I think I've finally learned to trust my judgement. To know when to move forward, and to know when to pull back based on what I'm feeling about the story I'm writing. And perhaps most of all, to know that if I love a story, most likely, other people will too.
What about you? How do instincts come to in to play with your writing?
"The perfect is the enemy of the good." ~ Voltaire
photo credit: Ansel Adams
Ansel Adams is a fan of that quote. For he understands that if he were to wait for everything in the shot to be perfect, he would never take the shot. And wouldn't that be a shame?
In the book ART AND FEAR by David Bayles and Ted Orland, it says:
"To demand perfection is to deny your ordinary (and universal) humanity, as though you would be better off without it. Yet this humanity is the ultimate source of your work; your perfectionism denies you the very thing you need to get your work done. Getting on with your work requires a recognition that perfection itself is (paradoxically) a flawed concept."
I think every author struggles with the issue of perfectionism in one way or another. For me, it's more of a big picture thing - I'm not as good of a writer as I wish I was, and sometimes that keeps me from opening the document. Like - what's the point? Why even try? So I have to get over that thing and open the document and get lost in the story, and then, I'm fine. Sure, the inner critic can be annoying some days, but I'm not paralyzed because each sentence isn't perfect. But I know some writers struggle with it more at that level.
With each of my published books, there was point where the thoughts and worries of my brain disappeared and all that was left was the story of my heart that I just had to share. I remember when I wrote I HEART YOU, YOU HAUNT ME I was so excited about the story I was telling. The way I was telling it was new and different for me, though, which was really scary! I didn't know if I was doing it right or if it was any good or any of that. But eventually, it just didn't matter anymore. The story - of love and loss, of healing and hope - it mattered. And in my heart, I knew that, and it kept me going.
There is no such thing as perfect.
But we all know there IS such thing as a good story. A story from the heart.
"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." ~ Carl Jung
A writing friend here in Portland, Kim Kasch, sent me a list of questions about my decision to quit my day job and go full-time with the writing thing, to feature on her blog. I've been working on those questions this weekend, and I realized I haven't shared a lot here on my own blog.
One of the questions was whether or not there was an "ah-ha" moment involved, and I loved that question, because I think many times, there is such a moment, and those moments fascinate me. So today, I'm going to share that moment with you.
It was a day in mid-December and I had a huge project at work I was muddling through. On this particular day, I went to a meeting at 4:00 and was assigned another big project. In the meeting, people joked about how I didn't really want any time off around the holidays, right?
Imagine a person carrying a heavy load on her back, one that brings her almost to her knees but somehow, she remains standing. And someone comes along and says - oh, you're still standing, I guess you can carry more, and adds another few bricks. That was me. With Christmas looming and all of the things that go along with that in addition to a YA novel about to be released, I left the meeting nearly in tears, and yes, almost to my knees. I held it together until I got home, and then I couldn't stand anymore. I crumbled in my big, red, comfy chair and I cried.
Later, after dinner and homework, my younger son and I cuddled up on the couch to watch The Biggest Loser. This particular episode had the trainers going to the contestants homes to see how they were doing before the finale. One of the contestants wives admitted to feeling left out and jealous of her husband's success, and she started crying. Jillian, the trainer, pointed to her and said, "Don't ignore that emotion. It's telling you to make changes."
My son didn't quite understand why I started crying again. I honestly felt like God himself had sent me a message.
Something had to change.
I think the quote by Carl Jung is similar to what Jillian said that night - we must not be afraid to listen to our heart, our emotions, and move in the direction they are telling us. Easier said than done, I know. But when we do, we open ourselves up to all kinds of possibilities, and to living the life we dream of having.
I don't know what the future brings. No one does. No matter what decisions we make, we must remain flexible, and willing to change again if we need to. That was key for me. Leaving my job didn't mean I'd never work again. I may have to some day, and that's okay. But here, right now, I believe my life is as it should be. All because I looked inside, and I listened.
