Inside the mind of an author 3 weeks before release day

How do authors often feel three weeks before a book is released?

Let me count the ways.

Terrified. Because what if people hate it?

Stressed out. Because what if no one buys it, and your publisher is disappointed?

Cranky. Because promoting a book is not all that fun.

Okay, so maybe I don't know for certain that's how other authors feel. I just know how I feel. 

J.K., you ever feel terrified, stressed out and cranky before a book's release?

Maybe she did. Who knows? Waiting to see how fans reacted to the last book in the series probably wasn't a ton of fun. Although, pretty sure she didn't have to worry too much about disappointing her publisher, right? :)

Thank you and where do I go from here?

It's been a little over a month since Falling For You was released into the world.

First, I want to say thank you to all of you who have done any of the following: bought the book, read the book, reviewed the book, blogged, tweeted or talked about the book somewhere, told friends about the book, asked your library to order the book, etc. etc. Every little thing helps!

Really. I mean it. THANK YOU! Here's Stormy and me giving you a virtual hug for your support!!

Lately I've been getting questions like - what's next? What are you working on now?

The thing is, I love YA. Like, I love, love, love it. But I know there are many people who write it a helluva lot better than I do. There are many days when I feel I'm not the writer I need to be to compete in today's market.

I wrote Falling For You at a time when I needed to do something different. I was tired of hearing the criticism about verse novels. A lot of people don't even want to try them, and that frustrates me SO much. It's like they hear the words "verse novel" and their brain immediately says, "well, not for me."

So I put something different out there. Reviews seem to be kind of mixed. I'm trying to stay away from them, for the most part, because it doesn't help the already somewhat low confidence. And honestly, it's FINE, not everyone is going to love every book, I know that. I've gotten some really heartfelt notes from teens, teens who needed to read this book at this time, and knowing that makes me glad I wrote the book.

But what's next for me as far YA goes? I honestly don't know. Some days I think maybe I should bow out gracefully from the YA world. Let the far more talented have the shelves. But like I said, I love YA. It's hard to leave!

Since November I've been secretly working on a YA manuscript. It's quiet and lyrical and has two characters I adore. It's part verse and part prose.

And it's all me. The question becomes, is that enough?

For a while, I thought I wouldn't finish it. I was going to walk away, and leave the YA world behind for a while. But the book won't let me leave! It keeps calling to me and calling to me. So for now, I'm writing it JUST for me. It's fun. Magical at times. When it's finished, I'll have to decide if I want to show it to anyone. It may not have a big enough hook. It may be too quiet. It might suck! For better or worse, I haven't worried about any of that. I've just tried to write from my heart, which is where my best work comes from.

At the end of the day, publishing is a business. Numbers matter. I can't control how many copies of my books are sold.

Fortunately, a great story matters too. That's what I'm going to focus on for now. We'll have to wait and see what happens next...

xoxo
Lisa

Lists are nice, but...

Yesterday YALSA announced some of their annual lists, including Best Fiction for Young Adults (BFYA), Quick Picks for Reluctant Readers, and Popular Paperbacks.

THE DAY BEFORE was nominated for the BFYA and Quick Picks, and CHASING BROOKLYN for the Popular Paperbacks list (a huge thank you to the people who nominated them).

In the end, one panned out - THE DAY BEFORE made the 2012 Quick Pick List for Reluctant Readers. I love that there is a list like this to help librarians when teens come to them and say, I have to read a book for xyz, but I hate reading. I think this happens more than we might think. And I'm really honored and appreciative that THE DAY BEFORE made the list. My book, I HEART YOU, YOU HAUNT ME, made the same list in 2009. And it's true, my books are great for reluctant readers. I know because I get notes all the time that say, "I usually hate to read but I love your books."

But honestly, I always sort of dread the day the lists are announced. Because while there are many happy people, I also know there are just as many disappointed people. People who have written wonderful books, and get no recognition on any of the lists.

Making one of those lists, especially the BFYA list, feels good. Well, I can only assume it does, because I've never made that list. It means a committee of librarians, after getting teen feedback, felt your book deserved to be named "one of the best of the year." It's a huge honor!

So, somehow, when you don't make the list, you have to come to terms with the fact that yours is not one of "the best."

Except, I'm here to tell you, it is.

Your book may not be one of the best to that group of librarians. But somewhere, I'm pretty sure, there is a kid who loves YOUR book more than any other book. And that's what you, and I, have to hold in our hearts.

Occasionally I find myself wishing I could write like Sara Zarr or John Green or Nina LaCour or Lindsey Leavitt or Stephanie Perkins or Sarah Ockler or... (I could go on forever). But as I've talked about before, that will never happen. I am who I am. I write what I write. And lists or no lists, stars or no stars, riches or no riches, my books do have a place on the shelves.

AND SO DO YOURS.

It is hard to feel "less than." I know, because I feel it sometimes as a writer. And I hate that. This isn't high school. I shouldn't feel like I don't fit in because I don't have the best jeans and the cutest shoes. My YA novels are different, and sometimes different is ground breaking and transcending, and sometimes it's just... different. And like I tell kids all the time at school visits, it's okay to be different! But different isn't always popular, and that's what's hard.

Anyway... I guess I just wanted to send out a note to anyone who might be feeling a little down about not making one of the lists yesterday. Or any of the "Best of" lists that come out at the end of every year.

As Sara Zarr once said, one of my favorite quotes of all time: "A book is a wonderful, miraculous thing. But in some sense, it's also just a book."

It's all about perspective, really.

Last year, when CHASING BROOKLYN didn't make any of the lists, I remember it didn't phase me at all. I was so consumed with worry, and praying and hoping for my friend, Lisa Madigan, who had recently been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and was fighting for her life. There's some perspective, right there. I remember reading tweets and blog posts about the lists and all I could think was, who cares? My friend is dying.

No BFYA for me. Oh well. Life goes on, and because it does, I get to write more books, and that's really the thing worth celebrating, right there, I believe!

Authors and Reviews

True story:

My very first full-time job after college was working for this woman who yelled a lot. She would be in her office, sitting at her desk, and instead of coming to get me, she would yell.

"Lisa, what is wrong with this? Please come in here, I don't understand it."

"Lisa, did you do that PAF I asked you to do? I can't find it."

"Lisa, where is that posting listed? Is it in the spot it's supposed to be in?"

And so it would go.

And the way she asked the questions made me feel like I was on the defensive *all* the time.

In case you've never worked for someone like that, let me tell you, it isn't very fun.

Now, some people probably have no problem with this style. They simply accept that's how she is, and it doesn't bother them.

Remember, this was my first "real" job. I was a 22-year-old college graduate, and I hadn't been around long enough to not take it personally.

It felt personal.

The more time that went by, the more it got to me. I didn't like being yelled at all the time. Even when I walked into her office, she'd fire questions at me. "Did you... " Why did you..." "How come..." And her voice was harsh as she asked. I constantly felt like a child who had done something wrong and needed to figure out how to get myself out of trouble.

I finally called the Employee Assistance Program and made an appointment with a counselor to try and get some help with how to deal with it. You can guess what happened. "You have to tell her how you feel."

Are you kidding me?

"You have to tell her how you feel. There's no way anything will change unless you two talk it out."

I'm pretty sure it was one of the scariest moments of my life, walking into that lady's office, asking if I could talk to her for a few minutes, shutting the door, and telling her how her yelling made me feel.

Do you know what she told me? She had no idea she'd been doing that. She had no idea I felt like she didn't like my work all the time. She had no idea she made me feel that way.

I can't say things got better, really. I think maybe she tried, for a little while, but she was the way she was and I was the way I was - more sensitive than most, probably

And so it is with authors. Some authors are more sensitive than others. Some authors are able to let things roll off their backs while others take it all in and it becomes a part of them. And so, here is where problems can happen between reviewers and authors.

I think everyone can agree - reviews are not for authors. But I don't know that it's realistic to simply tell authors, stay away from reviews, because everyone is different. Some really want to read them and to learn from them.

What's important, I think, is for you to know yourself. And then, come up with a policy that is going to make sense for you. In developing that policy, you need to ask yourself questions. Are you sensitive? Is it going to do more harm than good for you to read reviews? What are you looking for when you go looking for reviews? Be HONEST with yourself.

I think many of us, deep down, whether we want to admit it or not, are sensitive creatures who long for love and approval. Maybe we didn't get enough of it growing up. Maybe we didn't get it when we were 22 years old and worked our first job. Maybe we don't get it now from our life partners the way we wish we would.

But whatever it is that we're missing? Here's what we need to understand - we're not going to find it in reviews. All the wonderful, glowing praise about a book I wrote will feel good for a minute. Maybe even five minutes. But it eventually goes away. Because that's not really what I'm looking for. Is it? No. It's not.

And responding to reviews, getting worked up about them, trying to change them? None of that is going to help. It really isn't. Those reviewers aren't like a boss, who I have to work with day in and day out. Those reviewers have nothing to do with me and my life. And no matter how upset I get in regards to a review, it is NOT appropriate to talk it out the way I tried to talk things out with that boss.

I think sometimes we get confused and think, well, if this were someone I had to work with, I'd say something. So maybe I should say something. Do we not remember what we've already agreed on? Okay, so we forget from time to time. But let's all try to remember - reviews are not for authors.

I worked that job for a year and a half, and I finally had enough and decided it was time to move on. That lady and I were not a very good match. I needed different things from a boss than she could give me.

It's not always easy figuring out what we need. What's missing. Or if we do figure it out, how to get it. I have a hole in my life right now because of some things outside of my control. I'm trying to figure out how to fill that hole. How to find the joy I'm longing for in that particular area of my life.

But I want to assure you, readers and reviewers - I know you are not the answer. I appreciate you reading my books, I appreciate your kind notes to me, and I appreciate that because of you, I'm still doing a job that fulfills me in a way other things don't.

Appreciation is one thing. Expecting you to satisfy my soul and to fill me up with peace and love is quite another. And I promise I'm not going to put that on you.

Do your best and forget the rest

I cannot take credit for this saying. It actually comes from Tony Horton, P90X guru. But I love it.

My son is taking the AP US History exam tomorrow. And all week he has been stressing about it. He's been studying a ton and still he says, "It's crazy, Mom. It's almost impossible to pass. I don't see how I'm going to pass."

The statistics for this exam are not good. Only 40% of those who take it pass. Some say it's the hardest of all the AP tests. I don't know if that's true or not, but I know there is a heck of a lot of history these kids have to know, so they can answer 90 multiple choice questions and 3 essays. If they go outside the time period an essay question is framed in, it's an automatic zero.

So I keep telling him, "Do your best and forget the rest."

I could take a little of my own advice. As the release day draws nearer for THE DAY BEFORE, I find myself thinking - It's crazy how many YA novels there are these days. In June alone, there are an incredible number of amazing books coming out. Why would anyone spend money on mine? They can only buy so many books, after all. It's impossible. Having good sales for my book is pretty much impossible.

Yeah. Like mother, like son, obviously.

I worked really hard on this book. I did my best. Now it's time to forget the rest. Whatever happens, happens, and it will be okay.

My strategy for dealing with the stress is to work on other things. I have a secret project I'm writing that no one knows about. It's for me and me only at this point, which makes it fun.

Do you have any sayings you tell yourself to combat the worry? Any strategies to help keep your mind off the thing you're worried about? I'd love to hear them!

And for those of you who would like to read a nice review of THE DAY BEFORE and enter to win your very own copy, hop over to Shannon Messenger's blog!

When you get a bad review, eat chocolate and keep writing

Yesterday my editor sent me the Kirkus review for THE DAY BEFORE.

Now, we all know Kirkus is known for being harsh, although some have said they've softened up the past year, since the sale. Still, they remind me a bit of this guy.

Well, I skimmed through the review quickly, with one eye practically closed, because I knew more than likely, it would be a bit painful. Mostly, I was looking for something nice. Something I could use in a quote on my web site. Just a little something. The closest thing I could find was:

"Sometimes the poetry just tells the story, and other times it is almost too precious."

That's not really a compliment though. It's like the reviewer is saying between the lines - give me a break! Haha. Beyond that, there's not a thing. It's just... not a good review.

A few years ago, I probably would have been upset by this review. But now, not so much. Part of it might have to do with the fact that I went to Lisa's memorial service on Saturday. For months, my thoughts have been filled with cancer, loss, and grief, and I've been so very aware of how precious life is. There isn't any time to be upset about a silly review from Kirkus! I have so many other things to do - things that matter.

But part of is just... I get it now. I understand these basic principles that come along with the business of being published:

1) Not everyone is going to like your book. No matter who you are, what you write, it's impossible to please everyone.

2) Some books are going to be more universally appealing than others. It's just the way it is, and my books are a bit different, in style and format.

When I go to schools and speak to kids, I tell them, "Don't be afraid to be different. In fact, dare to be different! We may get some flack for it, but we are being true to ourselves, and that's the most important thing." At the end of the day, I know my books speak to some kids in an important way, and I'm proud of that.

3) It is better to be reviewed with a not-so-great review than no review at all. I know librarians are smart people. They're going to be able to read through the reviewer's opinion and see that the premise is unique and surely some teens are going to want to read this book.

4) It is possible to get so-so reviews and still find success. It is also possible to get lots of wonderful reviews and have your book die a painful death. Reviews don't really guarantee anything. Yes, good ones are nice to have. But they aren't necessarily essential. I bet if I tried, I could find lots of NYT bestsellers who didn't get any rave reviews.

5) It seems I quote Sara Zarr all the time, but I love this thought she shared with Cynthia Leitich Smith in an interview: Can you separate your identity as a writer from your popularity as a writer? Because they are not the same thing.

Okay, so what if you're reading this thinking, but Lisa, it HURTS! They said mean things about my book!

Repeat after me. It is just ONE person's opinion. Just like not all agents liked your book, not all editors liked your book, neither will all reviewers like your book. It doesn't mean you're a bad person! And it certainly doesn't mean your book is bad.

Tuck it away, eat a bit of chocolate, move on, and KEEP WRITING. It'll be okay. It really will be. Write more books!! PROVE THAT REVIEWER WRONG!

 That's what I'm going to do.

Monday Motivation - Battling the pre-release angst

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you *think* about it.  ~Mary Engelbreit

I know of writers who are paralyzed while writing, afraid of what others will think of their work. I'm usually able to get past that fear by turning up the music, turning off the noise of the internet, and letting myself get lost in the world of my characters. I've come to accept I'm not as good of a writer as I'd like to be. But I do my best. That's all I can do. Some people will like my writing and some won't. And that's okay. My job isn't to write a book *everyone* will love. My job is to write a book to the best of my abilities in an only a way I could tell it. I'm not saying it's always easy. Hell no. But I seem to be able to push through the fear, most of the time, and do what I need to do. 

In THE BREAKOUT NOVELIST, Donald Maass says, "Having something to say, or something you wish us to experience, is what gives your novel force. Identify it. Make it loud. Do not be afraid of what's burning in your heart. When it comes through on the page, you will be a true storyteller."

I love that. "Do not be afraid of what's burning in your heart." Mmmmm... I will have to play that line on repeat when I eventually dive into revisions on my latest YA.

For me, the fear and worries come along after the writing is done. Long done. Usually, when the book is about to hit the shelves, which is sort of ridiculous, because at that point, there isn't anything I can do.

I'm trying hard to battle those fears and worries as the release date of THE DAY BEFORE draws near. How?

1) By limiting my time on social network sites. About now, twitter starts to make me crazy. Every tweet about a fantastic book trailer reminds me that I don't have one and makes me anxious that I should. Every tweet about a book released in June reminds me there are lots of good books coming out in June and makes me wonder how mine will ever get noticed. Every tweet about a starred review makes my heart long a little more for one of my own. I could go on and on. When social networking starts to hurt me more than it helps me, it's time to let it go and not feel bad about it. 

2) By focusing on the good stuff, and saying thanks for them. Thank you for another book published. Thank you for my loyal readers (whether there are 4 or 4,444) who are excited about another book from me. Thank you for the opportunity to spend my days writing, and making an income off that work. Thank you, always, thank you.

3) By reminding myself of what I have accomplished instead of always thinking about what others have accomplished that I haven't. Easy to say. Harder to do.

4) By doing things that feed my soul - exercise, nature walks, movies, spending time with loved ones, and yes, writing. It seems some authors deal with the angst by being on-line more. Tweeting more, blogging more, giving stuff away, etc. etc. I don't find that works well for me. But you know, that's me.

5) By reminding myself that my worth as a human being is not tied up in how well my book sells. If my book doesn't sell well, it doesn't mean I am a bad person or even a terrible writer. There are too many factors at play for poor sales to really mean any ONE thing.

6) By celebrating the success of others. It is REALLY important to be happy for the success of other authors. I want to put that positive energy out there. It's good for everyone, me included. 

7) By finding ways to help other people. I find when I'm stuck inside my head too long, the best thing I can do is look for an opportunity to do some good in the world. There are so many people with far bigger problems than I have, and I should be spending time trying to help some of those people.

8) And finally, by reading this quote, from author Sara Zarr, over and over and over again:

"A book is a wonderful, miraculous thing, but in some sense, it's also just a book."

Anything you would add to the list?