It's not just Valentine's Day around my house

Twenty two years ago, I married my best friend on a snowy winter night. Yes, I was a hopeless romantic young thing who believed what better day to say "I love you forever" than on THE day of love.

What can I say.

I'm in love with love!! If you've read my books, that will come as no surprise to you.

I'm also still in love with my husband, twenty two years later. Lucky me!

Remembering my friend, L.K. Madigan

It is so hard to know what to say. But not saying anything seems wrong somehow. I don't know. So here I go, doing my best to put what is in my heart into words, even though it will be so completely inadequate.

There is no other way to begin than to simply say I loved Lisa. She was one of the most kind and generous, fun and funny friends I've ever had. I remember when she won the Morris award, I stopped everything and made cupcakes for her. She was the type of friend who deserved cupcakes!

She loved coffee. She loved pie. Especially pumpkin pie with her coffee for a special breakfast. She loved blogging and the on-line writing community. She loved her husband of 20+ years. She loved U2 and frequently referred to Bono as her boyfriend. Actually, she loved music, period. In fact, she loved it so much, that when I asked her to go to a concert with me featuring one of my favorite bands, Lifehouse, who I think she could take or leave, she said, "Sure!" She loved her son so very much, and as the mother of two boys myself, we talked about our sons, and mothering to boys. She understood boys in a special way, and I think it's one reason why FLASH BURNOUT was so authentic in its voice.

We shared the love of some TV shows. Project Runway, for one. As you probably know, she channeled Tim Gunn a few times on her blog. I think I commented on one of those posts that she did it so well, it sort of scared me. Then there was My So-Called Life, which of course, was on many years ago, but we'd still talk about it sometimes. After she read my WIP in December, shortly before she got her diagnosis, she asked me if my main character's name (Rayanna, Rae for short) was after one of the characters on My So-Called Life. It wasn't, until she said that. But then I said, "You know, I hadn't even thought of that. But I like it! So yeah, I'm going to go with it."

And finally, Friday Night Lights. One of my favorite shows of all time. And I think she got fed up with me talking about it all the time, and telling her, you need to watch it, you need to WATCH IT! So one weekend, she Netflixed Season 1. And I can remember getting little texts and/or e-mails from her as she watched. She eventually watched the other seasons and was all caught up last year so she could watch Season 4 along with me.

The last time I saw her, in January, I took her a Dillon Panther's t-shirt. On the back it had their motto: Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't Lose.

Here's what I believe. Lisa lived that motto. She lived life with her eyes wide open, taking it all in. One of the last e-mails I got from her read, "Isn't it so pretty today? I'm sitting here watching the birds and the squirrels." And that was all. She just wanted to share that little moment with me. And it made me stop and take a moment to look outside, and take in the beauty of the day. And a full heart? Oh yeah, absolutely. She loved deeply. From friends and family to books and authors to music and bands to Europe and sunny beaches... I could go on and on and on. As far as the can't lose part? She wrote books, submitted them, and continued to submit them in the face of rejection because even though it hurt and it was hard, she wanted to see her dream come true. And thank God she did. I can still remember reading an earlier novel that was never published. I thought, dang, this girl can write. I knew it would only be a matter of time. And when I read FLASH BURNOUT, which made me laugh and made me cry, I knew it would be the one.

She was so supportive of me and my books too. The thing is, though, it wasn't just me. She made a point of letting authors know when she'd read a book and loved it. She was so good at making that personal connection and doing everything she could to lift authors up. I try to do that, but she didn't try, she DID it. And it makes me want to work harder and be better about that. She understood how hard this business is and how much a simple note of encouragement can mean.

Somewhere on Goodreads there is a lovely review of CHASING BROOKLYN where she talked about all of my books. I think it would make me too tearful, so I'm not going to go and look for it now. But in it, she said of all my books, FAR FROM YOU was her favorite. FAR FROM YOU tells the story of Alice, who is trying to adjust to a new life with her step-mom and new half-sister. Years before, Alice's mom died from pancreatic cancer. Yes, you read that right. Pancreatic cancer, the kind of cancer that took Lisa's life. These past days, I've found myself thinking of Alice, wondering if God put the characters of Alice and her mother in my heart to perhaps help me a little with Lisa's passing.

There is a passage in FAR FROM YOU I want to share with you, where Alice is unconscious, and has a dream of sorts with her mother.

"But Mom, I'm losing you.
It's getting harder and harder to find you."

She kisses my forehead.
"Honey, no matter where you are, I'm with you.
When the breeze brushes your cheek, it's me.
When the stars sparkle and shine, that's me.
When the tulips bloom in the spring, that's me."

Wednesday night, after a very sad day, my husband and I went for a walk. It was a cold and quiet night, and as we walked, it began to snow. Big, fat, beautiful flakes fell around us in the darkness. And a sense of peace washed over me. I will miss her so much. But I also know, she is with me always. As Alice realizes, her mom's greatest wish is for her to live a full life. To look for and find the joy everywhere. I know Lisa wants that for me too. For ALL of us.

I really have no words today, so...

One of many cherished memories I have is watching the musical Wicked together.

This one is for you, my dear sweet friend, Lisa. Handprint on my heart indeed.

Happy News for a Monday

My brother's getting married!!!

I'm so excited for him and for his fiance and her daughter. They will be wed on the 4th anniversary of their first "date", May 21st, which has such a wonderful story behind it.

My brother had come off a very difficult divorce and wasn't really ready to start dating yet. He had heard the Portland Opera was going to be putting on a Mozart performance, and he likes Mozart, so he went to Ticketmaster to see what tickets cost. When he clicked on "best seats available," front row tickets came up. He hurried and grabbed them because he thought, if I'm going to the opera, I might as well do it right.

And then suddenly, he realized, he had two tickets to the opera and no one to go with. He didn't feel like he could really take a guy friend to the opera. And although he had a few girls who were friends, front row tickets were pretty spectacular, and he didn't want his friends to feel weird about it, to think it was more than what it was. So, one of his friends suggested trying Craigs List. She said, there's a "Platonic Only" section. She really pushed him to try it!

So he put up an ad that said he had a ticket to the opera available, he wasn't looking for a relationship, he just wanted a fun night out, and if someone was willing to go, he'd provide the ticket, and she could buy dinner.

Shortly after he posted the ad, across town, a couple of women friends were hanging out and one of the ladies said, have you ever checked out Craigs List? Tish said she hadn't. So Tish was toodling around Craig's List, for the VERY FIRST TIME, and happens to click on the "Platonic Only" section. Recently she had been thinking about how she used to go to the opera quite often when she was in the bay area and missed it. When she saw the ticket available ad, she clicked on it. Oh, she thought, he wants a date. Even though it said he wasn't looking for a relationship, the whole thing sounded a little strange. And really, wasn't it? Going to the opera with a guy she never meant? Who knew what kind of guy he might be?

Still, she e-mailed him. She said she'd be happy to take the ticket off his hands, to pay for it, but she didn't think she was interested in dinner and all of that.

He e-mailed her back and somewhere in that e-mail back, he happened to mention that he was a "closet headbanger" and he'd actually never been to the opera, but played instruments in a band and did like Mozart.

Those two words got a conversation started. And so, they e-mailed back and forth for a few weeks, and finally, she agreed to go with him to the opera. The night before, they met for a drink, so they could get the awkwardness of meeting for the first time out of the way. She said when she walked in, and saw he wore glasses, she thought, Oh no, I'm a sucker for guys who wear glasses. She thought she'd just wear a nice pant suit to the opera, but after she met him and talked with him, she knew she wanted to look NICE. So she spent the entire day the next day shopping for a dress, and she found a spectacular one.

And guess what she's going to wear at the wedding, four years to the day of that date? Yes, that dress!!!

I love this story because it reminds us to get out there and take chances. So many things had to fall into place for them to meet. And yet meet they did. The universe brought them together, and still, it was each of them who had to take a step forward and say yes to something scary and different.

So YAY for love! And YAY for taking chances!!!